Financial Therapy for Individuals

“I should have a plan with money.”

This nagging message won’t go away. But where to even start?

The word “budget” makes you cringe… not that it wouldn’t be nice to have everything flowing smoothly according to some grand plan, but that’s not anywhere close to how it feels right now.

Your good intentions get derailed by the inner voice telling you it wouldn’t matter anyway. If you had a budget, you’d never follow it, so why bother? Plus, having a budget would mean keeping track of things – writing them down, categorizing, and adding them up. Spreadsheets – yuck!

Coordinating with your spouse brings a whole new set of challenges. You don’t even want to go there. An oppressive feeling is encroaching. You’re stuck with no plan and feeling guilty about it.

“I shouldn’t spend money.”

The guilt. It seems to be there whether or not you spend the money. A no-win situation.

The thought of logging in to the bank account forms a pit in your stomach. What if there’s not enough to cover the check you just wrote? You’d almost rather not know.

“I actually really need this.”

“It would be really cool to have that.”

And you do need it… and it would be cool to have it. The sensations you’re feeling in your body during this deliberation are real… but so is the emptiness you feel later.

“I can’t say ‘no’ to his requests for money.”

He’s an adult, but he is suffering. He is having a tough time, and you wonder how bad things will get if you don’t help him through this situation.

It’s temporary, you probably tell yourself. He needs financial support while he works through it. It seems so unloving and uncaring to not help. Yet it’s happened several times before, dragging on a little too long, and a flame of resentment is building inside.

You’re starting to feel a financial pinch coming in your own life. This can’t go on forever.

But if you say no to him, what will happen? The fear of hurting him, of losing him, wins. You know you couldn’t deal with the guilt if something bad happened to him… or with the pain, if he abandoned you.

“I should have more money.”

You’re educated. You work hard. You’re a good person. But the shame of not being paid more, of not having more money in the bank, is weighing you down.

You wonder what is wrong with you, and you feel less than others.

So you work harder and longer. You buy nice things. But nothing is changing, and the sense that you are defective won’t go away.

“I don’t trust anyone with my money.”

After all, you have worked so hard for what you have. You have been responsible, done your research, and watched every penny. You’ve made wise decisions.

But you’ve realized that taking good care of this money for the long term is not your area of expertise. And the fear of turning it over to someone else is pretty scary. It’s so much work making sure it’s done right that you may as well do it yourself.

You’d like to let go of control and be able to sleep well at night, but it’s just so hard to imagine. You’d never be able to forgive yourself if something went wrong and you lost it all.

“I want to do the right thing with this money.”

It is a product of effort, sacrifice, and love. You want it to be put to good use. You want to protect it from those who would waste it.

You feel clear you don’t need to spend any of it on yourself. Having it there for future generations is more important. Yet not everyone understands why you feel this way and the decisions you are making.

You know that money can ruin relationships, and you hate that… but you’re determined that something good will come of this.